"In Lieu of Flowers"

Another part of my chat with Pat at Among the Flowers dealt with the "In Lieu of Flowers" trend in the funeral business.

I personally think it's a great idea that charities benefit from donations when someone passes away. Often, it's the only time people think about donating and it's a nice gesture. Charities have really made it easy for people, sometimes even providing postage-pre-paid envelopes for people to send their donation cheques and sending the family of the departed a note to let them know who made donations.

Great idea, but I think it diminishes the funeral itself.

How would you feel if you attended a funeral and there were NO flowers. What would you think?

"Nobody cared enough to send flowers."
"This person didn't have many friends."

In North American culture, flowers are an expression of sympathy and caring from friends, relatives and associates. When there are particularly tragic circumstances surrounding a death, particularly the death of a child, you'll see multitudes of floral displays at the funeral home. When there aren't any flowers, or they're few, it just doesn't feel right. For the family of the deceased or for the attendees of the funeral.

My older brother Ronald died suddenly about one year ago (Nov. 21, 2004). He had Down's Syndrome and had a marvellously childlike view of the world. My parents had been involved in various organizations to do with Down's Syndrome and have a large network of people they have known and worked with for decades. There were flowers at the funeral. Not overwhelming, but lots, from many different people and groups who knew Ron.

My parents and I would have been heartbroken to show up at the funeral home for the funeral and find that nobody had sent flowers. Finding out later that people had sent donations "in lieu of flowers" wouldn't have eased the pain we would have felt that day.

Yes, it's nice to get an envelope from a charity telling me that someone cared enough to make a donation. I think it would be even better to have flowers AND the charitable donation notification.

Showing up at a funeral is an expression of sympathy and support for the family of the deceased. Flowers have a direct impact on the day when the sorrow's at its peak. In cases when you can't attend a funeral, having a floral arrangement sent with your condolences is a much better comfort than sending a donation.

Obviously there are different traditions depending on the culture. I attended a funeral in Japan where it was customary to send flowers and bring a cash donation for the family to help defray the funeral expenses. A muslim funeral I attended in my university days didn't have any flowers that I can recall but it was a very intense, moving experience nevertheless.

Disclaimer: I'm not a paid representative of the floral industry.

Just my opinion folks. As always, I'm curious to know yours.